Why is it that people expect for other people to heal and move on with life so quickly? Is it because they are uncomfortable and are unfamiliar with how to cope with other people’s pain? They just want everything to be predictable like it was before the incident.
When we have broken something, like my little Spencer broke his ankle, it takes time to heal it. The first step in the process was to figure out something was wrong and find a professional to diagnose what was wrong. Then the professional in this case a doctor prescribed a cast for his broken ankle. First you must accept the break is real and then decide what to do about it.
Then one has to do it. He was in a cast for 3 weeks to hold it in place so the bones could grow back together correctly. There is always a time of healing in the process. This is the time frame that cannot be prescribed by anyone. What if it was your heart that was broken, a marriage, a friendship, a death? Depending upon the person the healing time is always different.
He had his cast removed and thought he would be able to run, jump and play again like before. But when the cast was sawed off and the freedom was right there within his reach he discovered how weak his ankle really was. His muscles were stiff and when he put his weight on it, it still hurt. The bone was healed but the cast had caused stiffness and delay. After the acceptance of brokeness in our lives and trying to work through the pain we sometimes discover we are not as strong as we thought we would be on the other side of the healing.
Spencer is walking with a slight limp. Each day his muscles get a little stronger but he cannot run and jump yet. It is still a process. A person cannot jump straight back into life without the limp after a break of any kind.
We as the supporters of the one who has been broken need to embrace the process. It is all a process, acceptance, healing, growing and continuing in life. We must not push it or pull it, we must slow down our pace and change our expectations. When something is broken life will change and things will never be exactly what they once were and that should be accepted. That person went through a process that has changed them.
Hold that person’s hand, your friend, your loved one and let them know you will take that journey with them accepting where they are in the process. It is all a process; this life that we lead. Don’t let the breaks, break your relationship just support them when they cannot walk, when they walk with the limp until one day they can again walk on their own.
Embrace the process as well as the person.