Yesterday, I was interviewed to be a part of a spiritual direction internship. I already wrote a 6 page paper about my spiritual journey, a statement of purpose, and submitted 3 letters of recommendation. Yesterday was the interview. This is a nine month program with teaching but mainly a practicum, the director only takes a select 5 people. There are no other internships or programs for spiritual direction around our town. This is it and this is the one I want to be a part of. For all of those who know me well, you know how excited I was to talk to someone about what I believe God has called me to… Well, the woman, who was very kind, commented, “You seem to have lots of energy.” I responded, “Yes, God has graced me with it.” Then she asked in a very loving way, “Can you be silent?” At that my mind was thrown back to second grade when my teacher, Ms. Daisy, called me “Motor Mouth” during a parent, teacher, student conference. Dwelling on the idea of silence. I responded, yesterday, “Yes, I can be silent.”
Now, it gives me pause to reflect on my ability to be silent. The silence she was referencing was being able to create a sacred place for spiritual companionship. Listening attentively to the person as well as the Holy Spirit. She asked about my prayer life and when I simply listen to God instead of talk to him. There are a few times each day that I do listen to God. There are also times that I make sure to stay silent, when I am listening to my children, husband, or students. I do know how to be silent but believe me I could learn more about cultivating silence in my life.
“Can you be silent?” That question really struck a nerve which leads me to believe I need to work on it. I want to constantly grow in my faith and spirituality. I plan to explore this question and learn how to be an attentive listener.
What about you, can you be silent? Do you listen attentively to others? Do you listen to God? How do you feel about silence?
Without going through the when and where, God has spoken to me twice…both times telling me to BE QUIET AND LISTEN…and leading me to the biblical quote, “Be still and know that I am God”.
I would NOT make a good spiritual director…I questioned myself of whether I could be a good table leader on a retreat…I want to share how God has worked in MY life vs. listening and leading others to see how God is working in their life…
Once I was asked what I would say to God when I approach the gates of heaven and God asks me why he should let me in…I said, I’ve tried to be a disciple of Jesus, making the world a better place, I’ve shared my faith, prayed…and God said, “NOT good enough, all I hear is I-I-I” – then I knew the answer, “because Jesus, your son, died on the cross for me, loves me, and I love YOU”…and then God opened the gates…