How often do we keep score in our lives? Well, as women don’t you think someone must have carried a gene for keeping score? When it comes to how many times we have been wronged by others? When we get into arguments with our husbands, boyfriends or significant others can’t we name every time they made that bad choice before? It drives my husband crazy that I have such a great memory and can site everything he has done wrong! But should we be like that as women? Does that memory and score keeping limit our love?
Every time I write a card out for a wedding I always write the following “The secret to a good, healthy and long lasting marriage is loving selflessly, not in theory but in action. You take care of his needs and he will take care of your needs.” That concept is so foreign to our culture now, when it is all about me, me, and me. Many people are scared of attempting that method of selfless love because they feel they need to protect themselves. But as a mom do you think of yourself and your needs first daily or do you think about what your child needs first? You are probably saying to yourself that is because they are children and you are responsible for their well being. Your spouse is a grown adult responsible for his own life. That is true. However, when we made our vows it was to love through sickness and health, rich or poor, forsaking all others until death do we part. I think we underestimate the power of the word love.
Love is not the infatuation period of a relationship when you have butterflies and uncontrollable passion for the other person. Love is not when you want to be next to them and with them 24 hours a day. Love is the reality after that glow has faded and you want to be with that person for a lifetime, not to make your every desire a reality but to share your existence. Love is standing by that person on the best days of their life and holding their hand on the worse days. Love is accepting that person’s faults, strengths and everything in between. Love is not about keeping score and being better than the other person. Love is forgiving and letting the wrongs done to you go. Love is sharing who you are. Love is opening yourself up becoming completely vulnerable to another person that you trust with your life.
We as moms know true love, unconditional love for our children. How many of us have that type of love for our spouse? How many of us should have that type of love for our spouse? When you are being kind and giving it is difficult for someone else to treat you poorly. When you truly love someone else, especially your spouse, the person you have trusted with your life and your very being, it is difficult for that person to not love you in turn how you love them. We set the example for our spouse, how to love by the way we love them. We need to learn how to let go of the scoreboard, drop it and let shatter upon the ground. Because the love we have for our spouse should be true love that gives selflessly for a life time.