Chapter 18 – How will I handle the future…

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

 

Me and my kids

Me and my kids

 

Hey God it’s me Lori,

I can’t believe it is so close to the time that Jake will go to school.  I am so happy with my life the way it is I don’t want to think about the changes that lay ahead of me.  Please help me to realize that you will accompany me in these changes and I will not be alone.

 

How will I handle the future …

            I tell my youngest child Jake the four year old when he starts to talk about school to bite his tongue and not be so mean to me.  I can’t stand the thought of all of my children being in school all day long.  I love to be with my children.  Many times in this book I have told you that many people think I am crazy, well there are many reasons why.  The main reason I think is because I love being with my children.  Do I love every moment I am with them, No but I still stay with them anyway.  Most moms get excited the night before the first day of school I always cry.  I usually take all four of my children grocery shopping and clothes shopping with me; they are fun to be around.  Why would I want this time to end?  I don’t but they keep growing no matter how much I threaten them to stop growing up it keeps happening.  I was so overwhelmed recently with the thought that they will all be in school soon that my husband and I revisited the idea of having another baby.  He has never left that open for debate before that time.  I thought about it for a few seconds and said, “No I am almost 36, if we were going to have more we should have done it 3 years ago.”  I love my family and am very content with the number of children. When I get that itch for a baby I just find a baby to baby-sit.  That is part of the reason I baby-sit because I love to have lots of children around me.     

            I considered just continuing to baby-sit when Jake starts school full time but decided against it because it would only make me want my children with me even more.  So I will try to find a job 9am-1:30pm from August-May off at Christmas vacation and Spring Break.  Good thing I depend on God to help me find it and he will, something will happen. I have faith that God wants me to still be a mom, walk them to school, home from school, do homework and be an enormous part of their existence to continue to guide them and love them like no one else can.

 

            I am not so much concerned about getting a job as I am losing part of my identity.  I love being a mom and I know it is not over when they are in school I will just be facing a new chapter of my life and theirs.  I just love this part so much I don’t want to let it go.  Just writing this chapter makes me tear up.

 

            So how will I handle the future the same way I have handled the past with faith in God that he will guide me where I need to go.  With dedication to my children so that my job will only be a job during those hours so that all other hours are dedicated to continuing to raise my children in a faith filled caring atmosphere.  With a willingness to learn, grow and development as a child of God.  With the strength it takes to keep a balance in my life no matter what road I walk down.  More than anything listening to God’s call to me and constantly adding to who I am so I can be a better person tomorrow than I was today.  No matter how old my children are I will always be a Just a Mom.

One Response

  1. Karen September 12, 2011

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