Tears streaming down Jake’s red flushed cheeks, nose turning red, he struggles to get out in a stuttering voice “He won’t play with me mommy!” Then screams of sadness, pit of your stomach, hurt feeling sadness, released in catch your breath crying and moaning. There are no inhibitions with a four year old when their feelings have been hurt.
Spencer replied to the outburst with quiet tear filled eyes, down cast look and sad whiny voice, “But mommy he never let’s me play what I want to play NEVER!” The showdown begins one on either side of me, each fighting for the right to have their own hurt feelings, loyal to their claim of injustice, pursuing not just my attention but the verdict that they are the one who has been wronged!
All I can think is “Can’t we all just get along? What happened to the peaceful boys who played for hours without end happy and content that they had each other? Wasn’t that just a few minutes ago?” Of course as Mom you have to sort out the situation and try to find clues as to who has been wronged and help each to see the other’s perspective to find peace and understanding. Every time there is a situation after the corner time (that’s our punishment) one must tell the other he is sorry and the other must accept the apology by saying “that’s ok”, then they hug, resistant at times but they have to do it.
Oh, the pleasures of parenthood, the ultimate judge, the detective, the mediator, we have so many hats to wear. Many days I am very pleased that I have a BA in psychology it was well worth it to be able to figure out so many fights in this household. Luckily fights are more seldom than common. However, the fights make us appreciate the quiet, still times even more. How treasured is the silence that falls on a household with little bodies fast asleep chests rising and falling with quiet breath?
We must take the bad sometimes to be able to recognize the good. Adam and Eve had no idea how perfect the garden of Eden was until they were cast out of it for sinning against God. It was then that they could see the beauty. Dare I say we as moms should appreciate the fights so that we can truly embrace the peace when it comes in it’s subtle ways? That may be too much of a reach. We need to love them right through the fight, guide them to find the lesson from the fight, show them how to make peace and then enjoy their peace. We should learn from their little wars how to find in peace in our own lives.
We all need to listen to what we teach our little ones;
Take turns; let someone else take the leadership role, don’t always dominate,
Be kind; go out of your way to show consideration to others,
Say your sorry; actually do it with those who you have wronged,
Say “that’s ok”; truly accept the apology,
Hug and make up; let it go, really let it go, don’t hold a grudge,
and be friends once more,
then go and play in peace;
go and work together,
go to school together,
be connected because we all are in the peace of God!